Confusedddd d d d d d

I want to make art that is personal. I make art that is personal. I keep falling in to the thought of asking what the audience or the assessment want but when i do that i make shit art or art with no fucking emotion. It doesn't come naturally. I'm doing my sketchbook for assessment nothing more. It just doesn't come naturally to me and that is worrying me. I paint because I want to and I don't think about it, I just do it. It's always dark and depressing shit which is also worrying me. Why do I always look on the negative side of life. My art has never been positive but sometimes i want it to be. Or maybe it has? People like positive shit i guess these days when it comes to art. Supposedly the theme of our time is Beauty. Thats the art that will be successful. We are always trying to give art a sense of importance but really we just like playing around with materials whatever it may be that's what it comes down to. We're not people with a message and we are not profound speakers, we are just a bunch of guys who like to create. Why do we need to give it a reason? We need to make it into a business to give us a sense of well being. I just want to do and so do you. I'm looking at these circuit boards and black holes and when i stop and think for a minute i am doing this to find a concept. The concept should come to me not me looking for one. Circuit boards have no fucking emotion. I have emotion. I am my art. So what am I going to propose? How can i propose something thats got no meaning or relevence to anyone else? My work is about emotion now. So i guess theres a concept. i'm starting to think.